Hot Date
by Arek the Absolute
Summary: Matt is running late for his date with Sora, and he needs Tai's help. Unfortunately for him, Tai is still bitter over his breakup with Sora, and is going to vent his frustrations on Matt.


[Arek the Absolute here. This is the first mini-fic that has to do with my epic series. However, it is important to note that it is not vital to read the series to understand these mini-fics. Similarly, reading these mini-fics is not necessary to understanding the series. They're just little supplemental stories that are usually no more than the size of one or two chapters of my regular fics and can't seem to find a place in those fics. Some may be humorous, some may be sad, and some may be outright evil. But in any case, I hope you enjoy this little trip into Tai's psyche; and don't forget to keep an eye out for the upcoming fic: THE CREST OF CORRUPTION. Coming to a fanfiction.net near you…]

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Hot Date

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5:27

I got the phone call at about 5:30. At the time I was in front of the TV, borderline conscious. The sudden ringing yanked me back to reality and I moved to pick up the phone without even thinking.

"Hello?" I asked sedately.

"Tai! That you?!" asked the voice on the other end.

"Yeah… who is this?" I asked, yawning.

"It's Matt you dumb-ass!" shouted the voice.

"Oh, sorry, didn't recognize you…" I said while rubbing my eyes. "I'm a little out of it."

"Whatever!" said Matt, cutting me off. "Look, I really need your help here!"

"Well insulting me won't get you anywhere," I said.

"Fine, I'm sorry," said Matt. "But I really, really, REALLY need your help!"

"Alright, what's the problem?" I asked nonchalantly.

"I've only got thirty minutes before I have to meet Sora in at the restaurant for our date," said Matt, who was near the point of hyperventilating. "I'm out of hair gel, my breath is rancid, my best clothes are all in the wash or at the cleaner's, I have no cash, no ride, and most importantly, NO TIME!"

"That's a shame," I replied.

"TAI! I NEED HELP!" screamed Matt.

"I'd love to help you, but…" I started.

Suddenly, a fiendish thought crossed my mind. Sora was definitely the impulsive type. I mean, she did break up with me based on one really bad date.

"Actually, hold on," I said. "I'll be right over."

I hung up the phone. I felt a maniacal laugh brewing, but I really didn't have the time to spare for it. I quickly ran to my room to grab some stuff I knew would come in handy.

****

5:34

I made it to Matt's in record time. I don't think I've ever run so fast in my life. The very second I knocked on the door it swung open and Matt pulled me inside. He was quite a sight. His hair was all over the place, he was wearing a white undershirt and boxers, and he was utterly panicked. He immediately eyed the duffel bag that was slung over my shoulder.

"You bring some stuff?" demanded Matt.

"Of course," I said, slowly setting the bag down. "I think I can hook you up."

"You're such a life saver," said Matt with a sigh of relief.

"First thing's first," I said, pulling out a stick of deodorant. "I'm willing to bet you could use this."

He eagerly snatched the deodorant from my hands and quickly applied it to his armpits as I looked on in devilish glee. I waited, staring in anxiety. He finished a few seconds later and dropped the stick.

"Um, Tai?" asked Matt.

I didn't respond. I just kept looking.

"Something wrong?" asked Matt.

Come on, where was it?

"Uh, just a sec…" I said, pretending to root through the bag.

Come on, where was it? That stuff was supposed to work instantly on contact with the skin. At least that's what the guy at the gag shop said. Matt should've had a rash up to his neck by now. Unless… oh shit. Oh shit! I picked up the stick and looked at it closely. I had brought the real stuff. So where was the… OH SHIT! OH FUCK! Fuck-fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck! Something told me that my dad was going to be royally pissed off when he got home. Oh well, I had to focus on the goal at hand.

"Here, take this," I said as I handed Matt a tube of hair gel.

He took it and immediately loaded his whole palm up with the stuff. I stifled a laugh as he began to rub the stuff through his hair. I wonder if I should've told him that it was the very same gravity-defying gel that I used. Nah. Normally, I only use an amount roughly the size of a pea. With all the gel Matt was loading into his hair, it'd take a month for it to calm down. That'll teach the bastard a lesson.

As Matt got to work on the long process of combing, I continued to sort through my bag of goodies. What should I use next? There was the 'mint', but that was really more of a last-ditch effort. The toothpaste was a classic, but notoriously unreliable. My eyes then fell on the bottle of cologne. Bingo. I picked the bottle up and turned to Matt. Just as expected, his hair was standing completely straight up. It was so spiky that you could probably impale someone on it.

"Hey Tai, this stuff works pretty good," said Matt, putting the finishing touches his hair. "I was thinking about trying out a new look tonight, but my hair gel is nowhere near strong enough. I guess it's a good thing I ran out."

Shit.

"Say, whad'ya got there?" asked Matt.

"Cologne," I said, tossing him the bottle. "Trust me, it's Sora's favorite."

"Thanks man," said Matt. "But I already had some."

He tossed it back. Okay, the plan was not going as well as I thought, but I still had an ace or two up my sleeve.

"Here," I said, handing him the set of clothes I had brought.

"Great!" said Matt as he started to dress.

****

5:45

"What'cha think?" asked Matt as he stood in front of me.

He wore a pair of super-tight jeans that looked like they were painted on and were cut well below the navel. The red T-shirt he had put on was also way too small, leaving a wide section of his midriff exposed. Over that he wore a very short, black leather jacket and a silver chain around his neck.

"Perfect," I said mischievously.

"You really think so?" asked Matt, looking himself up and down. "To be honest, I think it makes me look like a fucking hooker.

"Well thanks a lot," I said sarcastically. "I bring you some of my own clothes to wear and now you won't stop bitching about them."

"These are actually yours?!" asked Matt in a state of shock, trying to pull the shirt down a little lower. "And they fit?"

"Last time I checked," I said.

I certainly wasn't about to tell Matt that the last time I checked was about two years ago, and I sure as hell wasn't about to let him know that he in fact DID look like a hooker.

"I'm not sure this is what Sora meant by 'creative black-tie'," said Matt.

"You look fine," I said. "Now here; I brought some extra-strength toothpaste. That should have your halitosis all cleared up in ten seconds flat."

"Thanks a bunch," said Matt, accepting the tube from me and rushing off to the bathroom.

He was about to find out why that particular brand was so strong that you needed a prescription to even see it.

****

5:49

I stood at the bathroom door watching Matt, who currently had his mouth jammed onto the faucet, which was firing water full-blast. I was leaning against the wall really hard in an effort to quell my shaking body. It was all I could do to keep from killing myself laughing. Matt's eyes were wide as saucers and I could hear him trying to scream.

After a few more seconds, Matt finally released the faucet, gasping for breath. He looked over at me with eyes like daggers. I immediately calmed myself. I had no idea what to expect. Suddenly, Matt looked off to the side, running his tongue along the inside of his mouth. He then turned to the mirror and began to carefully scrutinize his teeth.

"You know…" said Matt. "My mouth is definitely tingling."

"Those teeth are so white you could blind the space shuttle from here," I remarked.

"I tell ya' that stuff is powerful," said Matt as he tested his breath. "But it sure as hell works."

I slapped my forehead.

"Oh shit!" said Matt, looking at his watch. "I'm really running short on time here!"

"Relax, there's plenty of time," I said.

"It takes fifteen minutes to get there," said Matt as he ran to the front door and hastily put on his shoes. "It'll take a bare minimum of five minutes to get a cab. That means I'm going to be ten minutes late! You know as much as I do that Sora does NOT like being kept waiting!"

"But you're not ready yet!" I said.

"Grab the bag!" said Matt. "We'll finish in the cab!"

Matt ran out the door. Not wanting to let him get too far ahead of me, I quickly put on my shoes.

****

5:53

"Of all the nights for the elevator to break…" said Matt, running from the stairwell out into the lobby.

I was right behind him. He sprinted out the front door with me right on his heels.

"There's one!" shouted Matt, pointing to a cab about twenty feet away, in the direction we just happened to be going.

Matt started to ran after the cab, but his first step cut his jog short when he fell flat on his face. I guess I had 'accidentally' stepped on his shoelace.

"Are you alright?" I asked, offering him a sympathetic hand.

He was back on his feet just in time to see the cab pull away.

"You fucking retard!" screamed Matt at me. "Why don't you watch where you put your goddamn feet?!"

"Sorry," I said apologetically.

"SORRY?!" demanded Matt. "You're SORRY?!"

"Look, it was an accident," I said. "I said I'm sorry. What more do you want?"

"You're right, you're right," said Matt. "Sorry I lashed out like that. I'm just under a lot of pressure right now."

"I understand," I said.

"Okay," said Matt. "You look that way and I'll check this way. Between the two of us, we should-"

Before he could say another word, a car screeched to a stop in front of us. It was one of those oversized ones from the fifties with the open top and a ruby-red paint job. A strangely seductive woman in her mid to late thirties with thick blonde hair sat in the driver's seat. She crooked her head, looking Matt up and down.

"Looking for a ride?" she asked.

"N-n-no thank y-y-you," said Matt, the color draining from his face.

"Well, maybe next time," she said before pulling away.

Matt just stared straight ahead.

"Hey Matt," I said. "Wasn't that-"

"No," said Matt, his cheeks turning even redder than the shirt.

"Sure it was," I said. "It was four years ago-"

"It wasn't her," said Matt between gritted teeth.

"You can't tell me you don't remember," I said. "Your face was the same shade of-"

"It never happened," said Matt.

"We were heading back to Odaiba after returning from the Digital World," I said. "You were trying to get a ride and-"

"Shut up," said Matt.

"She pulled up," I continued. "What was it she-?"

"I said shut up," said Matt.

"Oh yeah," I said, snapping my finger. "She-"

"I told you these clothes made me look like a hooker," said Matt, turning to go back inside.

"Hey, where are you going?" I asked.

"I certainly can't go to dinner like this!" said Matt. "I'd be lucky if I made it to the restaurant without getting arrested! I'm going up to change! You see if you can find a cab!"

And with that, Matt was sprinting back through the lobby.

****

6:02

Matt came back down again. He was wearing a tasteful sport jacket with a nice, black shirt and a pair of brown slacks. All were a bit large for him.

"Where'd you get those?" I asked.

"My dad's closet," said Matt, smoothing his new outfit. "I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner."

"You look like you're gonna' get lost in those things," I remarked.

"At least I won't get arrested in them," said Matt. "So did you find a cab?"

"No such luck," I said.

"Well come on," said Matt. "Let's go find one."

****

6:17

As I helped Matt put on the finishing touches, my mind began to wander. Just what was I doing? Matt and I had been best friends since we were just kids. He's always been there. Even in the worst of times, he's always been my friend. Was I about to throw all that away over a girl?

Sora…

I had always thought we were meant to be together. I guess she just thought differently. Sure, we were together for a long time. We had a lot of fun together, but nothing can last forever. Why was I still so angry? Why? More importantly, why was I directing my anger at Matt? He didn't deserve that, he really didn't. Sora and I broke up months before Matt ever asked her out. He didn't steal her away. He picked up the scraps. Okay, that's a bad metaphor.

Who was I angry with? It couldn't be Matt. Was it Sora? No way, I knew deep down that it couldn't be her. In the end, it was no one's fault that we broke up. Sometimes things just change, no matter how much you want them to stay the same. I… I think that the one I was angry with… was me. I couldn't help feeling that maybe it was my fault that we broke up. It wasn't just that one bad date that ended it. It was just that all the bad stuff came out on that date. If it hadn't been that one, it would've been the one after that. All the shit that had been happening just kind of blew up somewhere between the California rolls and the sashimi. It was as though someone had stuffed the fish with C4. Did I mention that I suck when it comes to metaphors.

My mind knew that it was over with her. Still, some part of me longed to be with her again. That wasn't too likely to happen though. We made a really bad couple. There was no doubt about it. The entire staff of that restaurant could confirm it. Some things just don't work out like you plan. But I couldn't go on taking my frustrations out on Matt. Getting Sora to break up with him wouldn't get me anywhere. It'd only make both of them miserable. I didn't want that. They're both my friends, and I want them to be happy together. I'd recover in time. I'd find a way to get over it. All I needed was some closure.

The cab slowed to a stop in front of the small bistro on the corner. Matt immediately opened the door and dragged me out by the collar.

"Thanks a lot man," said Matt. "I never could've made it without you. I gotta' go. Don't wanna' keep Sora waiting any longer than she has already!"

"Wait," I started as Matt turned to go inside. "I just want to-"

"Matt!" called the familiar voice of Sora from down the block about ten yards.

She came running up quickly, quite out of breath. She wore a green dress and had her hair pulled back.

"Sorry I'm late," she said. "I hope I didn't keep you long."

"Don't worry about it," said Matt. "I was running a little late too, but thanks to Tai, I got here alright."

"Well thank you Tai!" said Sora warmly as she gave me a quick peck on the cheek. "I don't know what we'd do without you!"

"Forget about it," I said. "It was really nothing. You two have a good time."

Sora smiled as Matt took her arm in his. Matt gave me a quick nod and a smile as he turned to go into the building.

"I love your hair," I heard Sora say to Matt as she tapped the ends with her fingertips.

They quickly disappeared inside. I was truly happy for them. At last, I felt like I had closure. I was sorry for what I'd done to Matt, but since it all turned out for the best, I guess it didn't really matter. I turned to head home when I heard Matt come running back out.

"Tai!" called Matt. "It's a good thing you didn't leave yet!"

"What's up?" I asked him.

"Well…" said Matt with a smirk. "I was thinking that Sora and I were probably going to be doing the 'tongue-tango' later and, well, even though that toothpaste was great, I really need some extra insurance. If my breath is minty-fresh, I just might be heading to second base tonight, or dare I say it, even third!"

I just sort of stared at Matt for a second.

"So you got any mints or anything?" asked Matt.

Closure could go fuck itself; this was personal.

"Sure," I said, reaching into my bag of goodies. "I have just the thing."

I quickly extracted my last resort, a small, white, unassuming 'mint'. I had come across the secret recipe while observing one of my mom's more cataclysmic cooking disasters.

"Thanks," said Matt, popping the mint into his mouth. "I'll never forget this pal!"

"Neither will I," I said.

Matt ran back into the building as I glanced down at my watch.

"3…2…1…" I counted down.

****

6:31

"I'M AN EGGPLANT! I'M AN EGGPLANT!" screamed Matt.

Matt, Sora, and I were all in the back of an ambulance. As Matt said, he did in fact look like an eggplant. His skin was a deep shade of blotchy purple. That 'mint' worked perfectly. Well, perfectly up until the point where Matt head-butted in the face. My right eye was the same shade of purple as Matt's skin, and I think he broke my nose. Sora was the only one of us who had escaped unscathed.

"What the fuck are you guys doing?!" shouted Matt to the driver. "Step on it! You gotta' get me to the hospital! My career is at stake here! No one'll come to my concerts if I'm PURPLE!"

"I dun thig thad'll wuk," I said, hindered by my broken nose. "I'b zure he'z movink az fazt az he can."

"You shut your fucking mouth Kamiya!" shouted Matt.

"What's going on with you two?!" screamed the nearly hysterical Sora.

"Clozure," I said with a smile.

****

The End


End file.
